Homeward Bound

This picture was taken when I left Tucson on Saturday. My folks look pretty good considering the fact that we didn't go to bed until 3 am. I took the "Arizona Shuttle" from Tucson to Sky Harbor airport. For $39, it's not a bad deal. 

I love the drive to Phoenix with the Mexican Mts in the far distance...

...and the ever familiar Pichacho Peak standing Guard over the pass to Phoenix 

It was only 3 in the afternoon, but the sun was hanging lazily in the sky as we motored on.

Logan is right. An airport is a terrible place to grieve. This ride gave me time to reflect on the events of the week, and I felt an intense burden of grief flood over me. It was a good week, I accomplished much, but still feel like there is so much more to do. My mother is no longer the woman who raised me. While she still knows me and my name, I know the day is coming where I will be in her memory no more.

Last day in Tucson

My last day in Tucson didn't turn out how I had planned. Since it was my last day, I wanted to finish cooking all the items I had planned for the week, but best laid plans don't always work out.

Some things are harder to do because my mom comes behind me and putters all day. I was literally on my feet from 7 AM on this Friday morning until 2 AM on Saturday morning. I began the day by making bacon, eggs & french toast for my folks.  My sis came over at noon so I made chicken breast, green beams and roasted beets/turnips with the plan on putting the leftovers in my Kale Soup.

I'm trying to get as much good nutrition into my folks as possible so I've been freezing these items for  them to make mealtimes easier and to reduce their trips to Wendy's.

After we ate, my mom started complaining of chest pains. She started taking her shirt off because she said it was causing too much pressure on her chest. My dad got angry about having to make yet another trip to the emergency room and blamed me for feeding her Kale Soup because she can't eat anything spicy.  At the time, I couldn't figure out why he thought the soup was spicy because the only spice I put in it was sage. I finally figured out why he was so confused.  The day before I gave him some of my kale chips which had a southwestern seasoning on them so he thought all kale was spicy. He didn't understand the kale in its natural state is not naturally spicy.  I asked mom if she wanted us to take her to the ER, but she said she couldn't travel so the paramedics came. Since one of the paramedics was my nephew, he let me ride in the jump seat on the way to the hospital. He asked all the normal questions...rate your pain, where is the pain, what medicines you are taking...etc. However, when you ask a person with dementia, you can't really be sure they are giving you the correct information especially when they give you different answers each time you ask the same question. They asked what meds she had taken that day so I went to get her pill box to see.  I discovered that my dad had not given her any of her meds that day.  In addition, I told them that he had not given her medicine on Wednesday either. Among those meds is Nexium, you know...the little purple pill. I guess that explains the episode.  However, this episode was different. She threw up at home and again at the hospital due to the extreme pain. I asked the doc if they would test her urine, and sure enough she had a urinary tract infection.  No wonder she was loonier than normal this week. Oh, the stories she told me that did not make any sense.

They did an X-ray, blood workup and urine sample. At one point, the nurse told us they were admitting her, but I guess the doc changed his mind because they ended up releasing her.  All of her tests came back normal except for the urine test.  She was finally released about 1 AM.  We got home around 2 AM so I packed since I was leaving the next day.

My mom was the only one that got any rest that night.The last thing on my list today was to make granola, but that didn't happen.  I went to bed at 3 AM and got up at 7 AM on Saturday to get ready for my flight home to Indiana.

This is how we Roll...

Life can be Exhausting and it's not even noon yet.

Thankful for the day and learning a valuable lesson about dementia

My day started out in the kitchen.  My contribution was pie and sausage dressing.  Among my 3 pies was a sugar cream pie...something no one had tried or heard of... We went to Ann Marie & Brian's for our Thanksgiving Feast.  We didn't have to be there until 4 PM so that gave me plenty of time to complete my tasks.  I also made chili for lunch so I could freeze containers for my folks for later meals.

In the back of my mind I had planned on going through my mother's cubbord's and getting rid of things she no longer needs before I came on this trip. It makes sense to me that if she has fewer choices, things would be less confusing for her.  She says she still cooks and acts offended when people make comments about her not cooking. She certainly putters around the kitchen, but she really doesn't do anything except move things around. When we returned home tonight, there were several lights on in the house.  My dad unlocked the door as he made a comment about someone being in the house.  As my mother was getting out of the car, she said, "Welcome to our 2nd Home!" I asked her where her first home was and of course, she said it was in Ogallala. My mom got a strange look on her face after my dad made his comment, and without thinking, I said, "Maybe that lady has come back from the south and wants her house back." Of course, I had forgotten about the tupperware being on the table and countertop.  Big mistake on my part.  My mom thought someone had come into the house and was going to make us leave. Rule#1 in Dementia: Don't kid around. They think you are serious.

My dad came into the kitchen and was egging my mom on, and I said, "Mom, he is just kidding." Here he is comforting her.  He didn't get that she was bothered by our comments.  I had to explain that to him.

When we were getting ready for bed (well, my folks were...I was still in the kitchen working on the tupperware because I didn't want my mom to be freaked out in the morning when she awoke to find everything still on the table), my mom asked me which bedroom I wanted and I said this one (meaning mine).  She changed into her nightgown and then came back into the kitchen and said, "I fixed a room for you. Would you like to see it?" She said that "they" left a bunch of stuff in it, but she did her best to clean it up. She had piled my dirty clothes on top of the extra pillows, and stuck my shoes in the TV stand. When I went to get my pajama pants, I couldn't find them anywhere.  I finally noticed that the dresser drawer was slightly ajar.  When I pulled it out, there were several items that I knew I was missing, but I found a host of others that I didn't know were gone as well.  I guess I'd better be doing a full room check tomorrow...

Facing the hard conversations

Our next stop on the agenda today was my parents financial advisor.

We tackled some very hard issues today. My dad has finally agreed to getting some help. We're going to look into day care programs for my mom that provide stimulation for memory impaired adults. He is also looking for solutions for good nutrition and occasional house cleaning.

When we got home, my mom & I were in the kitchen and she went to the stove and told me I could use the 3 towels on the left, but not to touch the one on the right. She said the lady who owned the house before them left it behind among other things. She doesn't remember that they are the only owners of this property.

She then talked about how she would like to move back to Ogallala. She said my dad works down south and leaves her home alone all day. She went on to say that Maxine lives to the south and she thinks that Imogene might be here too, but she's not sure. She seems to be stuck on the "down south" theme.

After supper, Linda came by and we were going over some of the discussion we had today. My mom got up from her chair and went over to my dad and hugged him and kissed his cheek. It was precious. Then she started stroking his head and smoothing down his hair. This couple has been married for 63 years. I asked my dad today where he met my mom. He said it was at a dance at the fairgrounds in Ogallala. He said after they were married, they lived in Ogallala even though my dad worked in Grant because my mother worked at Goodalls. Grant is to the south of Ogallala so that could be why she is stuck on the term south.

No Recognition

This is a picture of my house. I asked my mom if she recognized it and she said no. She spent every summer here visiting me from the time the boys were little until the time Emilie got married. My dad came over and looked at it and said, "I think it's the house down the street from the high school (meaning my grandparent's house in Grant, Nebraska). *sigh....

Where Everything is Gluten Free

There is a bakery/restaurant in Tucson called Gourmet Girls Gluten Free Bakery. I've eaten there twice since coming to Tucson and both meals were top notch!

There is a sign on the door that states that no food can be brought in from the outside to prevent cross-contamination. This is my kind of place.

Going, Going...

It's hard watching someone you love slip away a day at a time, but that is our reality for now. Mom woke up today and I was already in the front room. I could tell right away that she was confused. She says that the people who lived in this house are gone.  They just left....went down south somewhere.  She said that Dad came first and she followed after school was out.  I asked her what city she was in and she said she didn't know.  She just knows she is here.  She said she doesn't know anyone here...just her family and mentioned Dort.  She said she hasn't seen Perry in awhile and she wonders if he died and no one told her. 

She said she misses home.  I asked her where home is and she said Nebraska.

She said Dad never sleeps this late several times.  She is dressed with a housecoat on over her clothes. She says she is cold. Last night she was wanting to sweep the kitchen and said, "I don't know where she keeps her broom." like this isn't her house.

I looked up a Mini Mental Exam on the net and asked her to answer the following questions:

Do you know what date it is?  Mom:In the 20's?

How about the month?   Mom: June?

Do you know what year it is? Mom: No, not really.  I'd have to think about it.

When dad questions you, does it confuse you? Mom: No, not really.

Do you know what season it is? Mom: It is getting along like September?

No, I mean winter, spring, summer or fall?   Mom: well it's summer but fall.  It's cooler here than it is up home.  It's like winter.

What hospital do you go to when you are here? Oh, I've never been to a hospital here.

I'm cooking for my folks this week. Dad doesn't cook and Mom no longer has that ability so they pretty much eat out twice a day. Nutrition is the key to a lot of their health issues and the way I figure it, if I can feed them right this week, it's the least I can do since I can't take care of them on a full time basis.  I absolutely love this old blender of my Mom's. It's true. They don't make them like they used to! The motor is much quieter than the one I have at homel

For years, my mother made my father what he calls "Breakfast Food". I call it Kate's granola. Of course, I've had to modify her recipe over the years since she put wheat germ and whole brand cereal in her granola (totally not needed by the way). Currently, my father eats Frosted Flakes every morning for breakfast.  I made granola so at least he would get some good organic nutrition while I am here. My father is having memory issues as well and I just can't get him to understand the correlation between memory and nutrition. My mother is at the point where she will eat anything I put in front of her. My father, on the other hand,  questions everything I say so I have to look it up on my iPad and show it to him in writing. 

For supper I made pork chops, brussel sprouts, sweet potato soup with a dollop of cranberry sauce and Cranberry Orange bread. My mom set the table. Guess you can never have enough spoons to suit you, right?

Since we got interrupted this morning, I finished my mother's Mini Mental Exam this afternoon:

What is today's date?   Mom:I don't remember.

What year is it?  Mom: Umm, 19... I don't know.

Where is your home? Mom:  Nebraska

When did you move there? Mom: I was raised there.

Did you always live there? Mom: No, I followed Curt from place to place...sometimes he went first and I came later.

Where did you go when Dad retired? Mom: Nebraska

Say these three words: ball, flag, tree.  She said ball trag flee

I asked her to count backwards from 100 by 7's.  She couldn't do it.

I asked her to count backwards by ones.  She made it to 94 but couldn't go any further.

I asked her to count backwards by 5's and she said 100...95,,,but couldn't go any farther.

Spell WORLD backwards. She said D-L-O-W

I asked her to recall the 3 words we said earlier (ball-flag-tree) and she couldn't do it.

I asked her where I went to college and she said McCook?

I asked her how many kids I had and she said 5?

I told her I only had 4 and asked her to name them.

Who is my first child. She said Ben.

Who is my second child.  She couldn't recall his name.  She said I can see him in my mind but I can't remember him. This was after we talked to Curt on the phone not even an hour before.

When I told her he was named after Dad, then she remembered he was Curt.

She then said did you have 5 or 4.  I said 4. Then I said, OK who is next? She totally skipped over Joe and said, "I can see her but I can't repeat it."

I stepped over to the pictures on the wall to see if she could name everyone by looking at the pictures. She knew Ben and could name him. She couldn't remember Curt's name but she said "I've always liked him though."

She didn't know Joe at all.  I pointed to Emilie and she said "This is your daughter and son-in-law, but I can't remember their names. She then said she couldn't expect to remember their names because she doesn't get to see them very much. She said you can't expect someone to remember them when you only see them once every 5 years.

I pointed to AM and she knew her but she couldn't remember Brian or Madison. I guess that means she hasn't seen them in 5 years either.

Then she said that Dad probably couldn't name everyone either.  He did pretty good but thought Julie's name was June. He couldn't name Curt's kids or Ben's kids, but he knew everyone in Joe's picture.

While I was making supper, she busied herself with setting the table.  She was trying to set the table for my 3 boys.  I told her it would just be us, but when it came time to sit at the table, she went in and told my dad to get marlin. We explained that he wasn't here, but she was confused. She wanted to know if he was sick and staying in bed instead of coming to supper.

After dinner, we went in to watch TV.  She was looking around the room like she was searching for something.  I asked her what she was looking at and she said she has a room just like this at her house. She said some of the things here were hers, but not everything. She pointed to the side table and said that was hers.  She became obsessed about not having her shoes on so she went looking through the house until she found a pair of shoes and put them on. I asked her why she had to have her shoes on. She said so she could walk home because it was nearly time for bed and she was tired.  I said, "Mom, we're staying here tonight. This is your house." 

 She said' " Well I'll have to sleep in the nude then because I didn't bring anything with me". I went to bed first, but I could hear my folks having a conversation when they went to bed and Dad was trying to explain to her that she was sleeping here because this is her house.

It's funny how the brain works.  She definitely knows me and she gets on quite well.  She just can't comprehend the present. Dad said she is obsessed with Nebraska lately and her sisters. It's like her brain is mis-firing.  One minute she is fine and the next minute, she picks something up and says "Is this yours?" concerning something that has been hers for 20 years or more.

Tomorrow we meet with the estate planner. Who knows what kinds of stories we will have tomorrow!

Rain Clouds Passing...

One thing for sure...rain doesn't stick around for very long in Arizona. In Indiana, it may rain for days at a time, but in Arizona, the rain quickly passes and brings brighter days.

It feels warm enough for me, but these Arizona residents with thin blood are freezing this week! tonight there is actually a frost advisory in Tucson, but it will be back up to the mid 70's  by Thursday. The view and the sunshine from my parents front yard is always a treat.

A Bountiful Blessing at Desert Skies

My parents started going to Desert Skies after I got married.  In fact, they are one of the founding members of this church.  My dad at age 85 is still singing in the choir and helping with the flea market every week. A friend of my parents came up to me first thing and hugged me and told me how glad she was to see me.  Then she hugged a little tighter and told me that it was good I came because my mom really needs me.  I told her that was why I am here.  She said that there are currently 5 women in their congregation who are like my mom and are slipping away from them with memory issues (another kind word for dementia). She said that the ladies try to do what they can, but my father needs help.  Yes, I wish it was that easy, but how do you tell someone who is as independent as my dad that he needs help caring for the love of his life? It's a hard line to cross and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that.

I love what they did this morning. The church had a bountiful harvest.  They had all these empty baskets sitting up front when we arrived early for my dad to warm up with the choir, but by the time church started, families had filled up the baskets to overflowing. There was a wheelbarrow full of fresh fruits and vegetables and baked goods of all kinds which will be donated to one of the local nursing homes to help them prepare a homemade feast for their residents.  The title of the sermon this morning was Give of Your First Fruits. As Pastor Ed stated, "We are held in God's hands all the time and everyday. What more can we give thanks for? We should thank God for nurturing us, healing us, guiding us, and loving us. We need to focus on the goodness of God poured out on us. Thanks be to God for now and forever. Amen."

What is up with this rain Arizona?

When I called my sister and told her it was going to be raining on Friday when I arrived in AZ, she said,  "Good! At least we won't have to worry about the dust storms!" I haven't lived in AZ in over 35 years, but  I can't remember this much water sitting on the ground in November when I lived here.

Picacho Peak even looked under the weather when we drove by...but when we got to Tucson, we came across a dedicated breed of enthusiasts who didn't let the rains stop them!

This was not a warm southwestern rain either.  It was a cold to the bone Indiana kinda of rain, but it didn't stop these riders.

I needed this today...

I don't like to fly. Anyone who knows me well knows that. It's pretty ironic considering I grew up in the Air Force and have lived all over this world. I let my pride get the best of me recently, and decided that I would prove to everyone that I could do this so they would quit making fun of me because I don't like to fly...big mistake and best mistake I've made in a long time. It was one of those impulse decisions and I'm thankful that I had friends who prayed me through it, and a husband who nearly beat himself to death to get home in time to take me to the airport even though he was sick.  As it happened, I had to convince him to drop me off at the door to face my giant alone so he could go back home to the doctor. 

When I arrived home from work to pick up my hunny to drive to the airport, there was a package from my daughter in New ZZ with a birthday gift from Etzy.  She knows me too well sometimes. It lifted my spirits in spite of the churning of my stomach for what was before me.

I arrived at the airport to see that they have already decorated for Christmas so everything looked magical.

It rained all day here in the midwest.  There was another storm system out west that brought high winds which delayed a lot of the planes so we took off about an hour or so past the time we should have taken off. Because of the storms, the ride was bumpy, but I did my best to sleep on the plane thinking it would make the trip go faster. My trip ended like it began...in the rain...usual for Indiana, but not so usual for Phoenix...but I made it!

A Birthday Tribute for a Compassionate Man

I didn't really know him for that long or know him well, but I did know Ross Hoffman long enough and well enough to know that he was a man of compassion. This picture represents that part of Ross, and his legacy is that he passed it on to his children, especially my son-in-law. Thank you Ross! I know that my daughter will always be cared for in a kind and compassionate manner.  In a world where so many people are centered on themselves, it is refreshing to see someone that reaches beyond their world into the lives of others. While there are many who are sad that you aren't here any longer to teach us these things by the way you live, we rejoice that you were able to leave this world a better place than you found it...so today, I celebrate what would have been your 56th birthday. Man, what a birthday party you must be having today celebrating with the King of Kings! Happy Birthday Ross!

The Storms of Life

"As it is the business of tailors to make clothes and of cobblers to mend shoes, so it is the business of Christians to pray" Martin Luther

The events of the past 24 hours hit home, and now there are many in our own community that need the power of prayer. Yet, God provided us a spectacular display last night that He is still watching over us even though the storms of life pass our way.

When was the last time you were Godstruck?

David Jeremiah is doing a series on The Wonder of Worship. How amazing that I am able to listen to his broadcast on the way to and from work each day as I take in the wonder of God in the sky, the clouds, and the landscape of my Indiana home.

As Genesis teaches us, It was good! God created it all.  When we see it, we should be amazed. As DJ states, "The ability to marvel, the ability to wonder lies at the very core of our identity as human beings. This is what separates us from the animal kingdom. Animals cannot wonder. God placed that capacity into the human being, and it is a built in channel that God gave us for encountering God himself. It is the capacity to wonder that is the open doorway to worship."

Psalm 8:1 Oh Lord, Our Lord.  How majestic is your name in all the earth. Who has displayed Your splendor above the heavens!