...so pardon the dust while this all settles in

SORROW

it feels like falling. 

it feels like rain.

like losing my balance 

again and again. 

it once was so easy;

breathe in. breathe out.

but at the foot of this mountain, 

i only see clouds.

i feel out of focus, 

or at least indisposed

as this strange weather pattern

inside me takes hold.

each brave step forward, 

i take three steps behind

it's mind over matter -

matter over mind.

slowly, 

then all at once.

a single loose thread

and it all comes undone.

where there is light,

a shadow appears.

the cause and effect

when life interferes. 

the same rule applies

to goodness and grief; 

for in our great sorrow,

we learn what joy means.

i don’t want to fight, 

i don’t want to fight it.

but i will learn to fight,

i will learn fight

’til this pendulum finds equilibrium.

slowly, 

then all at once.

the dark clouds depart,

and the damage is done.

so pardon the dust

while this all settles in.

with a broken heart,

transformation begins.

Trust in Him

This past week has been one of silent tears for me, but not for the reasons one might think. I drive to work with the tears flowing, but pull myself together long enough to complete my work only for the tears to return on the way home. I have such a heaviness of heart, not for the mess that our American politics is having on this country or even the world for that matter, but because of the effect it continues to have on the lives of families and friends as a result. It brings out the worst in us. It opens the door to how people really feel. It removes the veil. How do we move forward knowing that we are the Bane of someone else's existence?  How do we repair relationships that we thought we had, but now realize we never really had in the first place? Is the chasm so deep in this country that relationships will be changed forever all because one side or the other didn't get their way? I can deal with the politics. It has been corrupt for quite some time. I have faith that God is still in charge regardless of which party controls the land, but I can't deal with where we are going when it comes to relationships. My experiences this week have caused me to look within. I admit that I can be a pretty naive person at times.  My husband has always said that I see things through a different set of eyes than the rest of the world. I guess that is true. I've always known where I stood when it comes to relationships with others. It doesn't come easy to me. In fact, I'm quite bad at it. It is really hard to admit that I am the unlovely one, but deep down I know that to be true. Where did I go wrong? Have I not loved deeply enough? Have I lost my compassion and understanding? Why am I so broken and unfixable? Why is the pain so intense? Why can't I let go? I do know one thing for sure and for certain. No matter how far I fall, He is always there to catch me, to comfort me in my time of sorrow, to heal my broken heart. He is the one I will continue to trust. Thank You God for loving the me that no one else can see.

Trust in You

Lauren Daigle

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

https://youtu.be/n_aVFVveJNs